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The trace of my mind 
My postgraduate school days 
Having decided to study English literature in the sunshine for four years when I had succeeded in the examination of admission into the day school of Kansai University, I entered its postgraduate school without hesitation. And I lived near our university and had to teach a boy or a girl every evening. Hoping to study at will only one day a week, I was very sorry that the daily part-time job as a private tutor restricted me in the movements in my daily life. I would begin to study at 11 o'clock at night, have bread and milk at dawn, and went to sleep. Having a class in the morning, I would attend it after taking a brief nap. If not, I would continue to sleep till noon, and attend it in the afternoon. And every day I began to teach in the evening. Therefore I could not make any journeys and any outdoor activities. I think this situation formed a basis for my serious illness. In fact, I was unwell for a short while. But I could not help giving up my self-conscious demands because of the fact that I asked my father to help me in my need and that I lived in the good flat free of rent whose owner's son and daughter were my pupils in their respective rooms.
Entering the postgraduate school, I made a mistake of failing to read the paper of applicants for the scholarship of Japan Scholarship Association on a notice board, so that I could not receive it. But fortunately I could study on it in the doctor's course. And at the beginning of September I took over three classes of English which my senior had taught as a part-time teacher at Osaka Institute of Technology after he had left Japan to study in U. S. A.. As this was my first experience of teaching at a university, I thought that it was necessary not only to prepare my textbook but also to fix my mental attitude toward the teaching. Therefore I, having another job as a private tutor, had returned to my father's house before the summer vacation started.
When I had to pay my tuition fee of the second term, my mother said to me vaguely, “If we had known that the tuition fee was such a sum when you graduated from Kizu High School, we could have paid it.” But such a remark could not give me any consolations at that time. Besides, thinking of my elder sisters and younger brothers, I felt that it jarred on my ears. Having nothing to do except studying at home, especially in the summer, winter and spring vacations, I could make better progress of the studies than I expected. But the following year I was very busy: from April of the year to November of the following year I had had the part-time jobs as a teacher at Osaka Institute of Technology and Ryukoku University four days a week, and attended my classes in the doctor's course two days a week, and visited a house to teach a boy as a private tutor. Though the scholarship was \20,000, I got above \130,000 a month. Especially in 1971, I had some classes for the day-school and night-school students of Osaka Institute of Technology after attending my class in the doctor's course, and lodged at the house of my friend near the university, and had some classes at Ryukoku University the following day.
Getting a lot of money every month, I could buy a lot of books at will. I can remember that the Oxford English Dictionary was about \120,000 which was six times as much as the scholarship. Its present price is the same ratio as above. Though the tuition fee of my alma mater was three times as much as the scholarship at that time, it is about ten times as much as the scholarship which a postgraduate school student receives a month now. As the former was much cheaper than the latter, fortunately I could continue to study at the postgraduate school. But generally speaking, the price of books at that time was comparatively expensive.
In the last year in the doctor's course I continued to live my life as ever. But suddenly I was stricken down with a serious illness, and sent to hospital. It was because I overestimated my own strong body. As the result of a medical inspection of my body, it was known that each one third of both lungs from the bottoms and each small part of themfrom the tops did not have any functions of ventilation and that pneumonia seized halves of them from the tops: good halves. Therefore a doctor seemed to say to my parents outside my room, “He may die tonight. Please prepare for it.” But my elder sister, being a woman of strong emotion, got so excited in my single room that I could understand what he had said. Confirming that I was alone in my room, I said to myself, “Having lived my life of my own will till now, I will not leave anything to be regretted in this world if I should die.” Now I can remember that a tear stole down my cheek.though I could prepare for my death and restore to tranquility.
Doctors had been divided in opinion on the question of whether they should cut the parts which had no function of ventilation since the start, and I had been waiting for their decision in bed for about four months. It was said that‘The Place of Consultation about Personal Problems’which is the hospital of Tenritism was the best private hospital in Asia at that time. Being true to its name, not only its buildings and equipment but also doctors, nurses and office clerks were perfect. That is to say, ‘The Place of Consultation about Personal Problems’means the place where doctors and priests cure the minds and bodies of people. As the doctors' primary object was to save my life, they could not reach a decision easily in order to select the best way of curing me.
But, though four months had passed since I had been sent to hospital, the chief doctor of the department of circulatory organs said nothing about the operation of my lungs when he made a round of visits to the patients with several doctors. Immediately after that, I suddenly vomited over and over again. To my surprise I was attacked by acute hepatitis, so that he prescribed a complete rest for me. My mother, bringing the washing once a week, knew about it. Visiting me in hospital the next time, she said to me, “The servant of the God of Fire predicted that He would cure my disease in two weeks.” As a nurse had told me that it would take two months at the shortest to cure my acute hepatitis, I could not believe in her words, or rather had never believed in such a prophecy since my high school days. Coming to see me the following week, she said to me,“ When I visited the shrine of the God of Fire again, she told me that He promised to make your son leave the hospital within this month.” Hearing her talk about it, I thought she was a fanatic believer in Him. But, to my surprise, it was in two weeks that I was allowed to walk in the room, and in the ward in three weeks. And I can remember that I said to my doctor about on 24th March, “Could you allow me to get my brother to take me to my university by car to receive a kind of diploma (the certificate of getting all prescribed units) in doctor's course?” and that he said to me, “Of course, yes. You will be able to leave here at the end of this month.” Since then I have believed in such beings.
Having been engaged to a lady when I was stricken down with a serious disease, I offered to break off engagement with her through our go-between. But my betrothed refused it: having taught in a school for physically handicapped children, she sent me her answer that is “I would not like to break off engagement if he can see and move his hands.” Besides it was on Sundays that she came to see me in the hospital in Tenri city from the Iejima Islands in the Inland Sea. Though it is a long distance, she continued coming to see me there by ship and train for five months. I can not tell how she had encouraged me with such an effort. When I, leaving the hospital at the end of March, got married with her on October, I thought that half of my life was my wife's, and now I do.
Leaving the hospital, my doctor advised me that I could get part-time jobs. I thanked two seniors of mine heartily who had prepared the jobs of part-time instructor at Kansai University and Otani Women University immediately after I had left the hospital. I wondered whether it was a only a dream, because I had a faint hope that I would say nothing about every trouble if I should stand on the platform again. I didn't know how I could adequately thank the staffs of the hospital who had treated and tended me with devotion, thinking of my life first of all. Since then I have had the basic thought in my mind that my life is mine, and not mine at the same time: that the rest of my life has been put in charge of me by all of persons who did me many kindnesses at the hospital and other places.
