The trace of my mind 　

　　　　 Will the ship be able to arrive in port?　　　　　　

　 　 When we lived in the small flat in Kobe after marriage, I felt that I had decided the place to put my own body in, but at the same time as if a draught was blowing through the heart in which a big hole was made, and that an aching void in it was spreading all over the body.　　The body of mine, who took great pains to go up the stairs, not only made me realize a terror of death but also restricted me in my movements in the cities which had a lot of stairs. 　 And one bad association succeeded another. 　 I was tormented by the fear that a ship of my mind might not arrive in port and drop anchor some day in the future.
　 　Facing the desire to live in this world, the thought of the rest of my days sometimes could not soften my heart. 　And then I suffered from a crop of vexations, because my wife became pregnant. with our first child. 　 I made up my mind to survive whatever might happen to me who would have it.　 But, having given up the job of assistant professor at Shukugawa Gakuin Junior College where I had taught for a year, I had a financial problem. The resignation resulted from my refusal to accept the hard condition of payment shown by the vice-president. 　After continuing to be a part-time teacher for two years, I could get the job of full-time teacher at Kogakkan University.
　　 I think you can understand what I have been henceforth if you read “Profile” and “Hobbies and Amusements”.　 It is because I strongly feel it was very necessary for me to inspect my past life and to reconstruct the plan of my future life before the sixtieth anniversary of my birth that I have been writing such a long “The trace of my mind.”　If you can understand what I have written in this home page, I think you can realize that the course I have followed is tinged with valuable help, advises and guidance from a lot of persons at a time of need. 　Therefore thanks to their kindnesses, I always can confirm that I am what I am. 　The only thing that I did consciously was the decision to take an examination for admission into the day school of Kansai University. 　Besides it was not based on the firm belief.
　　Judging from these situations, I have continued to think that though I cannot pay my reward directly to a lot of persons who did me many kindnesses at a time of need, I have to reward them for them with doing my best in my life, and to remember them, and to do everything to my students and those around me as faithfully as I can. 　 And now I am making a fresh thought that I have to reconfirm these situations.　 And by making an inner description in “The trace of my mind,” I would like to reveal myself in this home page, to set a framework for my behavior on me who have a weak will and am apt to be influenced by the current of the times, and to question myself about whether I am laying the deep sense of gratitude on the foundations of my deeds or not.　To speak strictly, though I cannot take hard exercise, my mind is not occupied only with my own affairs now that I can enjoy outdoor light sports. 　If I can be satisfied of my own attitude to life little by little, the ship of my mind seems to be approaching to a port where it will have a peaceful rest.


　　 　　　　　　　 　 　　　　 　　　 　　　 　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　


　　 I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart, who have read through this home page. 　Did you have any interests in it? 　 If I supplemented some omitted stories, you could find them very interesting. 　It is because I think I have more experiences than any other man has, and I cannot help feeling as if I were living a common saying itself which is “Fact is stranger than fiction.”　 That is to say, “The trace of my mind” shows that the shock and shake of my mind is very strong and large.　 I hope that someone will visit my house to see a lot of flowers of satsuki and roses and to be engaged in a heated discussion over beer in the future.


　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　


Thank you very much for your reading through my home page.　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

If you have any suggestions or impressions about it, please give me your e-mail.

　mack2480@macknisi.sakura.ne.jp　

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